


It’s the Only Thing That Makes Us Feel Alive

by fanfictionbyM, Justwritingfanfictionhere (fanfictionbyM)



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Flynn (Julie and The Phantoms), F/M, Gen, M/M, Mpreg, Multi, Other, Post Mpreg, past pregnant luke, pregnant luke
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:54:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26819887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanfictionbyM/pseuds/fanfictionbyM, https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanfictionbyM/pseuds/Justwritingfanfictionhere
Summary: Closure isn’t always easy, especially when you may not want to disclose your past.
Relationships: Alex Mercer/Luke Patterson, Alex/Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex/Luke past, Alex/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Past Alex/Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms) - Relationship
Comments: 35
Kudos: 109





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters.
> 
> This idea just hit me based on some photos I saw in a Julie and the phantoms compilation and wouldn’t leave my head, so hence, my first fanfiction in many years.

“Does Julie know about that scar?”

Luke, who was in the process of changing into a black t-shirt, looked at Reggie confused. After everything that had happened, he honestly just wanted to just chill out and maybe explore some other areas near here. Julie made it clear yesterdaythat she and Flynn were going to have a sleepover today, watching some shows, and no musician spirits were going to be allowed. “What scar?”

“There. From your-” Reggie pointed to a faint line near Luke’s jeans waistband.

“She doesn’t need to know about that.” Luke glared at his friend. He pulled his shirt over the jeans and started walking towards the door.

“Right. Sorry for bringing it up.” Reggie moved towards the couch. He knew this was going to be a sore subject for Luke, but after everything happened that happened needed to be talked about. Between him, Luke, Alex and Julie. Maybe Flynn as well if she was around at the time. 

Luke sighed and gave a wiery smile, leaning back in his spot. “It could be part of the closure Alex and I need, but I’m not even sure where to start, Reg. All I know was the period before we died, and now being dead, I have a scar on my abdomen, and no idea what happened after. I need answers, and so does he.” 

“Who needs answers?” Alex poofed into the room near the piano. 

“We do.” Luke looked at Alex, with an sadden, almost pained look. 

Alex knew that look, it was something he got in the few moments when not dealing with all the other events and trauma going on.They needed to know, for closures sake of course. 

“Okay. We floated out of the ambulance, how are we going to find out what happened to us between then and becoming ghosts in 2020?” 

Luke and Reggies grins started to form as soon as Alex finished speaking. That was not a good sign.

“I mean Julie doesn’t actually expect us to not show up doesn’t she?” Luke’s puppy dog eyes were in full force, and that circa late 94 was the whole reason he and Alex were in this mess in the first place.

“Plus I wonder if Carlos can actually see me now.” Reggie shrugged.  
  


Luke smiled at Alex, his great smile and left with Reggie without a trace.  Alex sighed, he was going to have to be the one apologizing for them once again. 


	2. Chapter 2

“Girls?” Ray Molina called to Julie and Flynn. 

“Yeah dad?” Julie and Flynn were sitting on the couch, scrolling through netflix to see what show they were going to binge watch.

“Don’t stay up too late.” He knew that was going to happen anyway, but just wanted to check in before he left them alone for the night.

“We will-wont. We won’t” Flynn called back, rubbing her side where Julie elbowed her. “Hey, no need to elbow me.”

Julie just rolled her eyes. This was going to be a good relaxing night, no ghost boys around. Don’t get her wrong, she really liked creating music with them, but tonight was a girls night. Movies, tv shows, junk food, all that jazz. “We’ll go to bed at a reasonable time, dad.”

Okay, that may not be entirely honest, but whatever. 

Ray shook his head knowingly, and headed off to his office upstairs.

———————

The so-called girls night only lasted less than five minutes before being disturbed. 

“I really hate to say this but I think the boys are here.” Flynn shot a quick look to fridge, which was miraculously open. 

“Here, pick a show.” Julie tossed Flynn the remote, while stomping towards the kitchen. When she said no spirits around, she meant it.

Luke was staring into the fridge, yet again. Alex was looking remorseful, sitting at the table, and Reggie was walking around looking for someone. “ Look, I’m sorry for them interrupting your-“

“What do you need?” Julies arms were crossed, not really in the mood to deal with any of them at the moment. 

“A computer.” Luke turned from the fridge, towards Julie. He seemed a little moody, which was a little off- putting.”

“Where’s Carlos?” Reggie curiously asked, breaking the snappy silence. 

“My brother is at a sleepover at one of his friends,” Reggie frowned. Guess he was going to have to wait to test that idea later. 

“And I appreciate you guys asking before going to use something and scaring the rest of us, but what’s going on?” Julie questioned. There was something the guys were not telling her.

Both Alex and Luke’s face went pale, and that was something she didn’t think ghosts could do, but there was a lot of things she didn’t even know what ghosts could do. Luke walked back towards Alex and sat on the chair next to him. Out of habit, Alex grabbed Lukes hand and held it. Regardless of whatever happened, they’d be okay… Hopefully..

Reggie stopped pacing and turned to Alex and Luke. “Are you sure you want to let her know now?”

Julie was looking between all three of them. Reggie was being super serious so something really was up. 

“You might want to grab Flynn. If you want.” Luke, who had been minutes early had been happy, looked totally exhausted. Almost like he had seen a ghost, so to speak. 

“I’m okay for now. Luke, you’re kind of scaring me.” 

Flynn, who had been not so conspicuously watching Julie talk to the guys, gracefully moved quickly walking to Julies side. “ I’m not sure where you guys are right now, but if you hurt Julie, I’ll hurt you.” 

Julie was grateful for her best friend, but somehow this moment felt like it didn’t need that. But who knows what secret was being revealed.

“We’d never hurt her.” Alex whispered, wrapping his fingers even more around Lukes. Luke’s gave a small greatful smile in return. 

Somethings really off, Julie thought to herself. Luke normally had a really big fond smile for Alex, and a big smile for everyone else.

“Okay.. “ Luke took a deep shaky breath before speaking. “When we died, I- I was pregnant... like 26 weeks pregnant.”

Oh, Fuck.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may or may have been a little bit emotional while creating this chapter. Just a little fun fact to know,


	3. Chapter 3

Julies face dropped in surprise.

“I- I- I really don’t know what to say” Julie stammered out. That was true. She had so many questions, questions she may or may not actually want answers to, 

“Here me out, Julie.” Luke patted Alex's hand, and unlocked his fingers from Alexs. “ There is something I need to show you.”

Luke stood up and started walking towards Julie, taking off the black tshirt he had only recently put on. If she saw the scar, maybe it’d be more believable than just hearing him say it. Its one thing to say something, but its another to actually know that there is actual physical proof. 

When he stood right in front of her, Julie could see the faint, but obvious scar running from from near his belly button to where the waistband of his jeans started, 

“So when you died, you were pregnant, but then when you came here-”

“All he had was the scar.” Reggie interrupted. All three boys nodded, sadly. 

Julie nodded, and turned to walk to the couch area, to find her laptop. “I’m not sure exactly where you are going to start looking for answers, but you can borrow my computer tonight, only if you stay out of my locked word documents, and don’t like go to weird sites. My dad sometimes borrows my laptop. Got it?”

Alex gave a small smile, as Julie set the computer on the table. “ Loud and Clear.”

Alex grabbed the laptop, very grateful that holding solid items wasn’t an issue anymore. He walked near the front door and poofed out.

“I’m just going to uh, go see what Alex is looking up. “ Reggie, somewhat awkwardly poofed out, leaving Julie alone with both Flynn and Luke. 

Luke had picked up his shirt in the meantime, and was gradually pulling it back down. This was good that he and Alex were going to start to work on getting closure, but it didn’t make it any less easy to deal with, especially what had happened ever since they became ghosts.

“Thank you for telling me this. I know it wasn’t easy.” Julie tried to meet Luke’s eyes and , but he was turning away from her deliberately. Understandably, though. Potentially, losing a baby was high on the list of sore subjects for anyone, not just ghosts. Actually, it was a double-whammy if you thought about it. Luke running from home, pregnant, and then dying and unable to know what actually happened to his unborn kid, that was another tragedy. 

Luke rested his hands on top of his stomach, and faced Julie. 

“I’m going to let you both get back to your girls night,” He spoke quietly, and within a moment, poofed out leaving Julie looking straight at nothing.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

It went quiet for a moment before Flynn turned to Julie. “I’m not sure physically where they were, but I do feel kind of sad vibes in the room.”

“Yeah.” Julie nodded. “ So, what show are we going to be watching tonight?” She and Flynn headed back to the living room area, crashing back on the couch. Somehow, all the candy they had in front of them, wasn’t that appealing to her anymore. Not even the popcorn. 

“I’m thinking _The Royal Life_ , it just released its last season. My interest in guys may be limited, but Alek Beaulieu is a hot.”

“Isn’t he the one with the wavy shoulder length blonde hair and the greenish- brown eyes?” 

Flynn grinned, in her smug way “ I knew you watched it!”

Julie groaned. Sometimes, she hated her best friend. “ Yeah, sometimes, but its been going on for twenty years, longer than we’ve been alive. He was like 5 when he started playing as the youngest prince Erik.”

“Well, since the show is finally wrapping up, we can appreciate how he grows into his looks.” Flynn grabbed the remote, and clicked on the title on the screen.

“That’s just creepy, even for you Flynn.” 

“Whatever.” 

Julie rolled her eyes as the theme song started playing. As it passed , she took a deep look at him. Great hair and eyes, very nice abs, but there was a familiarity to him with his smile and laughter tied with the hair and eyes. Almost like she had met him before. Shaking her head, she dug into the nearest bowl of popcorn and focused on the scene that was now starting.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all are enjoying these chapters so far.


	4. Chapter 4

  
  


When Luke poofed back into the garage, Alex and Reggie were already sitting around Julies laptop deep in research mode, stretched out on the other couch. They seemed to be deep in thought about something, but he was no longer in the mood to even look at a screen right now.

“Luke?” 

“Not in the mood right now to deal with this right now, Alex.” Luke flopped back onto “his” couch and pulled out the journal he had left on the couch. 

Alex sighed. He wasn’t the one to bring up the idea of telling Julie about their history, but clearly this was taking a toll on Luke, which made sense. After all, Luke had been the one carrying their child.

“It seemed like it went well, at least to me..” Reggie shrugged. 

Alex shot him a warning look, before leaving the laptop on the couch and moving to where Luke was moping.

“I’m glad I told her, but I didn’t think it would be so hard to talk about,” Luke absentmindedly rubbed his stomach. He missed the feeling of rubbing it, and feeling a kick or some sort of movement.

“it’s always gonna be a little weird to talk about male pregnancy. Even in 2020, it is still rather uncommon.” Alex smiled and put his right arm over Luke’s shoulder. 

“There’s more stores feeling with dudes getting pregnant now, like _Pregnancy for Men_ or _Pat’s Pregnancy_. And those are just the ones downtown. There’s probably more out there.” Reggie angled the laptop to show a google map, and there were indeed a handful or two of stores in the general Los Angeles area.

That was good at least. Trying to find good, and slightly more inconspicuous clothing was not an easy find in ‘95, so it was nice to see a large improvement in that regard. 

“Well now she knows, and yeah. So, what’s this information that you two found?” Luke quickly changed the subject, and was quickly getting ready to stand up, before Alex yanked him back down.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Hey-! 

Adorably as Luke’s grumpy face was, Alex still had found something he wanted to show him, before diving back into their internet search.. “So I was looking in my pack-“ 

“Did you not do that when we first appeared as ghosts?” Reggie interrupted. 

This time, both Luke and Alex rolled their eyes.

“Like I was saying, I was cleaning it out and I found these.” Unzipping the pack, Alex took out 4 small photos and handed them to Luke. 

Luke looked at the photos and smiled, knowing exactly what they were. Running his fingers through the images, he turned to Alex.

“Thank you for keeping these photos safe. I- really appreciate that.”

Alex smiled right back at him. “Do you want me to keep them in here for safe keeping or…” 

“Sure. I’m going to keep two of them for now, but the other ones, you could show Willie.”

That may have been the wrong thing to say at the moment, as Alex sighed and turned to face the window. He wasn’t sure where Willie was, after everything that had happened. He wasn’t where they first met, or the museum or even Justin Bieber's empty pool. It’s like he was hiding from him, again. 

“If I can find him. I’m not sure how to say hey, I dated Luke for a while and got him pregnant before we died and now we are trying to find out what happened to our kid.” Alex turned back to look at both Luke and Reggie sadly. 

Reggie set the laptop aside and made his way towards the duo on the couch. It was going to be a tight squeeze but they needed the moments to just remember that regardless of everything, they still had each other. He flopped on the other side of Alex, and threw his arm around his shoulder. “C’mon, Willie really likes you. I’m sure he’ll take it well.”

Luke nodded as well, as he started to rub Alex's back as well. He pulled out his journal and used the photos as a bookmark for one of the songs that was a work in progress before looking at Alex with his puppy dog eyes.‘

“If you want, I can tell him.” Silence filled the room as Alex nervously fidgeted with one of his drumsticks.

“Anyway, what information have you guys found? I saw something about a huge donor for a hospital's NICU program, I’m not sure what that's about?”

Distraction by puppy dog eyes didn’t always work, but as Alex started getting up to grab the laptop, Luke knew that at least it worked every once in a while. Or maybe half the time.

What? He had a scar and photos to prove it. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the sake of the story, I am taking a little bit of creative liberties with ultrasound availability and ultrasound technology in 1995. I really don’t know what Planned Parenthood offered in regards to ultrasounds in Los Angeles in the 90s, so take that with a grain of salt.


	5. Chapter 5

Okay, the living room was officially a disaster. 

Popcorn was scattered all along the floor alongside pieces of red licorice and a box of chocolate caramel candy overturned while the TV was left blaring loud and clear.

At least they had fun. Ray thought to himself as he walked through the living room mess, to see Julie and Flynn passed out on the couch. 

He found the remote near one of the piles of empty wrappers near the tv screen, and turned the screen off, which promptly woke Julie and Flynn up.

“Hey Dad.” Julie stretched her arms from side to side, accidentally bumping into Flynn’s legs in the process. In response, Flynn rolled her eyes. “What time is it?” 

“10:30. I’m going to pick up Carlos from his sleepover. I doubt that he got anymore sleep than you two did. Remember, you still have school tomorrow.”

Ah, school. Right. At least playing at the Orpheum would have people talking about her in a good way. Julie smiled. “ I know. I finished all my homework already.

“Good, We’ll have to finish cleaning up this mess up later.” Ray nodded and walked towards the front door and left. 

Julie turned to Flynn and sighed. The only part she didn't enjoy about sleepovers was the aftermath of cleaning up, and based on the candy and other snacks they ate last night, it was going to be quite a cleanup. 

Flynn, shot off the couch, and started towards the kitchen looking for the garbage bag, the sooner they cleaned it up, the more time they could hang out before she would need to go home herself. “Y’know, seasons 13 and 14 were quite something ”

Julie had gotten all the leftover candy bags and wrappers all in one spot, and had put the half empty popcorn bowl on the table in the kitchen. “How so?”

She tilted her head, some of the scenes were blurring together since they watched many of the seasons before they called it a night. 

Flynn rolled her eyes. “According to various online sources, when Alek Beaulieu turned 17, he was dealing with a phobia or anxiety about death or something along those lines until he turned 18, so they kind of made the limo crash and Erik in a coma for a season and a half on purpose.”

“If that’s true,” Julie was shocked. She suddenly remembered watching that plot line, and it honestly did seem to come out of thin air. “That’s the worst plot line to give someone dealing with anxiety like that, and what sources said that?

Flynn took out her phone, and opened various gossip websites showing a much younger version of the actor, entering an office and departing an office that looked to be a psychologists or a therapist’s. Aleks hair was way past shoulder length, and pulled into a messy bun, while sunglasses covered his eyes, trying to hide his appearance, but unfortunately not really working.

“Paparazzi are scum.” 

Flynn nodded in agreement. “Okay, let’s finish this so we can hang out some more.”

Julie smiled and started to pick up some of the mess.

  
  


————————-

Once everything was thrown away or put away, Julie and Flynn sat back onto the couch, chatting away about the performance at the orpheum. 

At least until the boys poofed back in again at the table. 

“Julie!” All three of them, including Alex who was carrying Julie's laptop, rushed towards her. Flynn, looked in shock, towards the floating laptop and back to Julie. 

“I really wish that I could see them. I miss the eye candy. I’m gonna go shower. Whatever you need to do with the boys, do it now, cause we are so going to finish the rest of the show after your meeting” 

“Wait, what show?” Reggie looked at the screen, and all he saw was a blank screen

Julie sighed, and then spoke with her arms crossed. “Okay, whats up?” 

Luke and Alex turned to each other and then faced Julie with the screen towards her. 

“What do you know about the Beaulieu family?”

  
  



	6. Chapter 6

Alek felt anxious.

And no, the anxiety wasn’t really that new, although thank God that he did get over his fear of dying young. That was not a fun year, with few exceptions. But there was something drawing him to this video on youtube.

He was supposed to finish getting ready for the Donor Party that his parents were throwing at the hospital but there was this burning need to watch this performance at the Orpheum. Why was he drawn to this, anyway? There was something about the blonde guy and the short haired brown haired guy. 

His phone ringing took Alek out of his thoughts real quickly. With a quick look at the phone, he quickly picked it up and switched it to Facetime. 

“Let me guess, Nate. You’ve got something of an interesting case going on with your fellowship and you’re going to likely miss the party?” Alek smirked at the screen, which showed his older brother Nate in his doctor's white coat, with his long red curls bouncing at his shoulders. 

If that didn’t scream that Alek was adopted, what would. Their Mom and Dad both had red hair, with mom having curls herself. 

“Unfortunately yes, there is a case that I am luckily enough to be able to be apart of.” Nate had an unusually secretive look on his face briefly before smirking. “ Which means you are going to have to socialize and smooze with the donors, instead of staying for a half hour and then high tailing it out of there. “

Yes, Alek tended to get a little antsy about this party, but being the centerpiece of how their parents started funding this state of the art NICU program, was a little intimidating… and also some parts of the story were not adding up. 

“Look” Nate brought Alek out of his thoughts. “ I just wanted to warn you, the limos arriving at your house at 6 pm, and Mom and Dad -”

Alek rolled his eyes. “ Don’t like to wait. Got it. Do you think that anyone there will know the whole story? Like not the story dad says about a young teenager who was desperate to not let her family know she was expecting, and dad having been called in on a simple rhinoplasty case that was going horribly wrong and was able to help me technically get adopted after I was born? Because that story is totally unbelievable. “

After a long pause, Nate sighed. “ I can tell you that that story is almost entirely false, but I have no idea how much more I can tell you right now. I know some facts, that Mom and Dad don’t know that I know, but once I’m done with the patient for now, I can tell you some of what I do know. Maybe one donor will know something, but I doubt that anyone who was around then is around now. I gotta go.” 

  
  


Alek stared blankly at the now empty screen. He had so many questions, like what did Nate know? What did he mean by the story being almost entirely false? This was indeed not helping his anxiety, at all. 

By the time he stood up from the Chaise Loungue in his closet, his phone was ringing again, This time from Mom.

“Oh, God. I’ve got to pull myself together.” Alek looked in a mirror, straightened out his black blue suit and walked out into his bedroom.

This night was either going to be a disaster or it was going to get himself some answers, hopefully not both.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from Ed Sheerans Photograph.


End file.
